愛してる

You know how you take advantage of things, people too perhaps.. Up till the point where you lose everything you never actually gave much attention to. You don't know whatchu got till its gone, no?

And you finally realize you've lost some pretty special people.

'I'm wanting you but I can't go back.'

In some abnormal way, I can totally relate. I just... I don't know. I just don't like how whenever I scroll through my phonebook and I wanna send an sms to a friend who I can totally depend on, who's all ears every second of the day, I realize they're gone. I can't reach them that way. I'd call, I'd love to hear their voice, maybe I'll keep that in consideration.

Life's slowly but surely changing.

I'm in my own little world where I don't have to worry

'Cause all that's left of me will be memory

Which will later turn into dust.

I'm in the state of depression. Its just, y'know, one of those days. Whether dead or alive, its like. Who actually gives a damn? Its just one of those days when you just want to relive the past. Make things better. I can barely remember my past. Except the parts which I regret. I completely, absolutely, undoubtedly regret. Enough about that. Its the past. Past is history. Or is it... ?

Is it just me, or has nothing changed?

Raya is coming. I can't lie and say I don't love it, but theres just that part where its family reunions and such, which I just can't get used to. Its sad, how I'm always in the background. I choose to not communicate. Its just I have this feeling that whatever I say won't do any good anyways, peoples opinion on me won't change. I'm just my grandma's grandchild. I'm just my mom's daughter. Apart from that, no one knows me as anything else but that. And I want to change. I want to be known, for hm, my writing skills? Which I lack thereof now. For my piano and violin abilities? Oh thats so far back. Guitar? I've only just started. Truth is, education wise, I'm far from perfect. Far from acing all subjects. My cousin is a straight A student. She's younger than me. Oh the joy of being compared to someone far younger.

I hope crying doesnt batal (end) my puasa. If it's not acceptable, well there goes 3 days. It's funny how sensitive I can get, how I want everything to be the same, everyone to be the same. But things AND people change. I haven't changed. I'm still little ol' emotional. Still the one who has such a low self esteem. I'm nowhere good enough.

It's just the fact is.

I don't want to bother typing in stuff which happened for the past... couple of months, is it?

It would take time, and as far as the amount of readers i have is concerned, would only waste it.

To sum up everything in one blog post, i'll just post stuff i did a while back when i still had my interest in writing.

I lost it... along with some other stuff. Not materialistic stuff, but you get my point, don'tchu? :/

Tears stream down her delicate face

Love she had given up on haunts her again

Tears dropping down, entertwined in a race

Her silent sobs and salty tears, a reminiscence of rain

'He left me with a pang of guilt,'

She whispered silently, barely a word audible,

'After a brilliant relationship we had built.'

It would have been better, if only he was more sensible

She, beautiful, yet a fragile broken heart

He who ripped a lively soul

She is inevitably torn apart

He who left her in the freezing cold

And so, rain trails down her pale, puzzled face

Now slowly remembering her barely lonesome days.

That tonight's gonna be a good night...

tonight's gonna be a good night :)

Let's talk about today.

It's funny how today i brought my phone, to text in class, and funny thing is,

there was a spot check.

of all days. Today.

And today was that day where i thought i'd get away with it.

Thanks a lot, intuition.

And the guy who checked my bag gave this evil look when he opened the front zip of my bag

He took out the first unusual thing in sight

he had that 'VOILA' look.

My milo didn't get confiscated :)

I feel that it is SEXUAL HARASSMENT when a teacher, GUY OR GIRL, to touch a student's private part to check if they are hiding items there.

Especially for boys.

All they're hiding are their balls thank you very much. -_-

It's a private part, get it?

Well, i'm saying so as two of my guy friends' balls were grabbed.

They looked suspicious, apparently.

What ever happened to privacy?

Ever thought of checking anywhere else? -_-

That was early in the morning.

In the morning... unconventional.

English, psh. I actually did the work given.

So i spent a whole period answering Comprehension, Grammar questions.

(while eating brownies :D and rice balls. ONIGIRI<3!)

and that's when the School Days fest began.

Started watching School Days alright :)

From the beginning. The first episode. Mmhmm.

It was what i thought it was :/

Howeverr Kyung Woo was nice enough to fast forward those parts :)

Hahaha. I'd caught glimpses of white panties though. -_-

There were some awkward parts... thankfully it was muted. Unfortunately i couldn't understand the subs.

But altogether it's actually not that bad O.O

It's about this girl who introduces this guy to this beautiful girl but regrets it soon afterwards and the girl tries to persuade the guy to go for her instead. And blahs.
That's all i could tell from the storyline :)

I watched it with Kyung Woo, inevitably.

It was... awkward.

But hahaha, spent the whole Geography period watching it.

So it was sorta in a way fun :)

I can't recall a thing Mr. Lee said. Apart from weathering.

So much for revision ;)

Then it was time for Science.

Those kinda stuff :)

Kyung Woo told me some stuff i should know about atoms.

He's pretty darn good at Science.

I helped a teacher look for the Malay's beginner class for most of the Malay period.

Attempted to help.

The teacher gave up :(

Then lunch was lunch. I can't remember lunch O.O

spent it with Aishah. Apparently she's related to Anuar Zain

That's just stupendous :D

Hahaha. My mom's a fan of his :)

We had Maggi for lunch :)

AISHAH WAS THERE TOO hahaha.

It was at Flamingo :D

Which is 5 minutes away from my house.

I could've just gone home...

Ms Sangeeta owned the game.

She was the only one who'd gotten 100+ points.

'25th June marks the history for bowling, with me getting 3 spares and 3 strikes'

Alex got owned badly. xP

I ain't belanja-ing him RM5 as Darren beat him as well ;P

Hahaha. I'd gotten 47 altogether :)

Today just wasn't my day.

I initially wanted to buy a chocolate eclair and Lemon+Aloe Justea, and I PAID

However, I COULDN'T EVEN COLLECT THE ITEMS

BECAUSE APPARENTLY WE CAN'T BUY STUFF FROM THERE

I was seriously friggin pissed off. Like majorly pissed.

I PAID for fish sakes.

Why can't i just collect the items?!

So basically i was left with RM1.80.

As i've said, today just wasn't my day.

We came back 20 minutes early, so spent the remaining time playing A B C with Kyung Woo xP

dammit he's fast! He just kept on whacking my hands!

But hahaha, gotta admit, he's good!

He's the only one who knows my family's nickname for me :)

He calls me by that name too!

Anyways, after that, gone downstairs...

At the basketball court, spoke to Hasbi (abang you better come tomorrow!) and Daniel.

And Haizol shuffled. Hahaha.

Daniel liked my hair?! Haha, that's what he said :)

I'm keeping this new hairstyle.

Apparently Megan Fox is a robot O.O

Spoke to the van driver

Managed to get a seat in first trip :D

While waiting for the gates to open,

Hung out near the Music room. First went up to the Usha Bala hall to say Hi to YouMei and Darren

Darren was so sweaty -_-

And they were drinking so inevitably there were some bees around there.

Urgh i hate you darn bees.

I got stung yesterday on my leg -_-

Explains my walking like a retard-ness.

So to escape, since Akmal came up, to actually avoid those bees, i ran first, and a bee followed him :)

Speaking of Akmal, he told me something that made me think twice.

Sigh.

And then I saw Reikaaaa (L)

She's not coming tomorrow :(

So she wished + hugged me today.

That's all i want :)

Then ran here and there.

And i saw him playing basketball :)

I just have to say Hi once in a while.

That's about it for school.

Now i have to remove this facial mask.

It's about time... i can't smile! :/

I WANT LOUIS TO COME TOMORROW!

fill in with;

3 and 7 as the boys/girls you're always thinking about.

4,5 and 6 as people who are on your head.

8, 9, 10 and 11 as songs in your head.

..done? :)

(1 & 2 are useless)

Okay, well let's review.

3 is the person you like.

4 is the person you are protecting/being protected by.

5 is the person you know very well.

6 is a lucky person.

7 is the person you like, but who you can't be with :(

8 explains no. 3 :)

9 explains no. 7 :(

10 explains your feelings right now.

11 explains your life.

I'll share some of mine xD

4 was Louis :O Haha.

5 Taylor Swift! Like WOAH

6 Destery ♥

8 Breathe Me by Sia

9 Kelsey by Metro Station

10 Oh, It Is Love by Hellogoodbye

11 Bulletproof by La Roux

Surprised me a tad bit :)

Credit goes to Kyung Woo for teaching me xDD

I love my seat in class.

xox

143

Going along just fine.

Kyung Woo just covered the screen with his small mechanical pencil.

Sang Won knows every line of this show!

He's reciting EVERYTHINGG!

Those boys look constipated, like crouching over and i don't even know what they're doing. O.O

Uh okay the teacher just came.

I know what this show is going to turn out to be though. xP

and trust me, it's more or less 16+

I still have Kee En's hoodie xD

i'll return it during lunch.

Ohh we have 2 free periods today.

History's my kaya bread time! :D

Literature (this period) is my blog-post-draft time.

Apparently Sang Won has over 140+ songs on his MP3 :D

But omg he likes Ashley Tisdale's 'IT'S ALRIGHT, IT'S OK'

'She's very ugly, but i like the song' he says.

We both like ♥ Mika though. :)

'This is the way you left me,

No hope, no love, no glory,

I didn't spill everything in my palette today :)

Yong Jeong can't paint for nuts :P

According to the art teacher, even primary kids are better than him!

I'd have to agree :)

Haha. Not that I'm any better... xP

I lost something really important to me. :(

Where are you dolphin? *Sobsob

P.S. My BIG DAY is in precisely 7 days. :P

Mark your calendars! (kidding)

Literature (free period)

If you move your eyes left and right and count to 30, it will improve your memory 10%.

But ALAS, i forgot most of today. :O

I think i'm just meant to forget.

But well, i'll try to recall.

Spent English chewing gum, and skipping class :)

In and out of class twice.

Not my fault my leg was itchy! Mosquito bite much. -_-

Mei Mei accompanied me to the PE room, teacher directed us to Sick Bay, locked, gone to staff room, not there, gone back to the field place, FINALLY saw Mrs. Gulsar.

To Mei Mei, thank you love! :D

And then accompanied Caffy to return her uniform. Woah, didn't know the PE department lended uniforms to people.

Joe's supposed to return it tomorrow.

Spent Geography reading Dolly :)

Mr Lee was talking about food. :O

Well, not exactly cheeseburger kinda food.

Food shortages and stuff.

It was 2 periods away from lunch.

We should appreciate the food that we have. :)

Science, i listened. Inevitably, it IS Science after all. :/

Malay, haha. I can't say i actually enjoyed it.

10 questions -_- couldn't go out if it isn't finished.

10 questions is not much. But for Malay, yeap it is too much.

LUNCH WAS FOOD TIME :D

and hang out/duty time of course :)

ACTIVITIES WAS ACTUALLY QUITE FUN

didn't actually play handball. Vincent passed to Voon How passed to Alex and HE SHOOT, HE SCORES.

and Darren usually joined in too -_-

Some of the others, like Michael, passed the ball to me though.

It was sort of a fair game :)

Then i joined in futsal. :D

2 proper goals, 4 justforfun.

I love you Caffy and Janak ♥

Right after Activities, gone back to school,

while walking, Arvindh was behind me.

Well he told me to wait 5 minutes for someone to come.

Howeverrr Reika was injured :O

So i accompanied her most of after school.



Marissa Bany.	a girl who likes unique things and has awesome friends. :)

Affliates.	Caffron Louis Kee En Iliyana Ratri August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 February 2009 March 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009

Date	Monday, September 7, 2009
Time	12:24 AM
	all I'm thinking about is you. You know how you take advantage of things, people too perhaps.. Up till the point where you lose everything you never actually gave much attention to. You don't know whatchu got till its gone, no? And you finally realize you've lost some pretty special people. 'I'm wanting you but I can't go back.' In some abnormal way, I can totally relate. I just... I don't know. I just don't like how whenever I scroll through my phonebook and I wanna send an sms to a friend who I can totally depend on, who's all ears every second of the day, I realize they're gone. I can't reach them that way. I'd call, I'd love to hear their voice, maybe I'll keep that in consideration. Life's slowly but surely changing. I can't take it. I'm in my own little world where I don't have to worry Serenity is a must 'Cause all that's left of me will be memory Which will later turn into dust.
Date	Thursday, August 27, 2009
Time	10:44 PM
	he had the darkest eyes and a button nose. I'm in the state of depression. Its just, y'know, one of those days. Whether dead or alive, its like. Who actually gives a damn? Its just one of those days when you just want to relive the past. Make things better. I can barely remember my past. Except the parts which I regret. I completely, absolutely, undoubtedly regret. Enough about that. Its the past. Past is history. Or is it... ? Is it just me, or has nothing changed? Raya is coming. I can't lie and say I don't love it, but theres just that part where its family reunions and such, which I just can't get used to. Its sad, how I'm always in the background. I choose to not communicate. Its just I have this feeling that whatever I say won't do any good anyways, peoples opinion on me won't change. I'm just my grandma's grandchild. I'm just my mom's daughter. Apart from that, no one knows me as anything else but that. And I want to change. I want to be known, for hm, my writing skills? Which I lack thereof now. For my piano and violin abilities? Oh thats so far back. Guitar? I've only just started. Truth is, education wise, I'm far from perfect. Far from acing all subjects. My cousin is a straight A student. She's younger than me. Oh the joy of being compared to someone far younger. I hope crying doesnt batal (end) my puasa. If it's not acceptable, well there goes 3 days. It's funny how sensitive I can get, how I want everything to be the same, everyone to be the same. But things AND people change. I haven't changed. I'm still little ol' emotional. Still the one who has such a low self esteem. I'm nowhere good enough. It's just the fact is. I dislike myself. I really do.
Date	Friday, July 31, 2009
Time	8:46 AM
	Funny how i always choose the worst timing to update. I don't want to bother typing in stuff which happened for the past... couple of months, is it? It would take time, and as far as the amount of readers i have is concerned, would only waste it. To sum up everything in one blog post, i'll just post stuff i did a while back when i still had my interest in writing. I lost it... along with some other stuff. Not materialistic stuff, but you get my point, don'tchu? :/ Rain Tears stream down her delicate face Love she had given up on haunts her again Tears dropping down, entertwined in a race Her silent sobs and salty tears, a reminiscence of rain 'He left me with a pang of guilt,' She whispered silently, barely a word audible, 'After a brilliant relationship we had built.' It would have been better, if only he was more sensible She, beautiful, yet a fragile broken heart He who ripped a lively soul She is inevitably torn apart He who left her in the freezing cold And so, rain trails down her pale, puzzled face Now slowly remembering her barely lonesome days. is all for now. loves.
Date	Thursday, June 25, 2009
Time	2:15 AM
	*6 inch heels and bold red lipstick* I got a feeling. Oh, ooh. That tonight's gonna be a good night... tonight's gonna be a good night :) Let's talk about today. It's funny how today i brought my phone, to text in class, and funny thing is, there was a spot check. of all days. Today. And today was that day where i thought i'd get away with it. Thanks a lot, intuition. And the guy who checked my bag gave this evil look when he opened the front zip of my bag He took out the first unusual thing in sight he had that 'VOILA' look. But neh. My milo didn't get confiscated :) Oh, on that note, I feel that it is SEXUAL HARASSMENT when a teacher, GUY OR GIRL, to touch a student's private part to check if they are hiding items there. Especially for boys. All they're hiding are their balls thank you very much. -_- It's a private part, get it? Well, i'm saying so as two of my guy friends' balls were grabbed. They looked suspicious, apparently. What ever happened to privacy? Ever thought of checking anywhere else? -_- That was early in the morning. In the morning... unconventional. English, psh. I actually did the work given. So i spent a whole period answering Comprehension, Grammar questions. (while eating brownies :D and rice balls. ONIGIRI<3!) and that's when the School Days fest began. Started watching School Days alright :) From the beginning. The first episode. Mmhmm. It was what i thought it was :/ H _ _ _ _ i. Howeverr Kyung Woo was nice enough to fast forward those parts :) Hahaha. I'd caught glimpses of white panties though. -_- Ish. There were some awkward parts... thankfully it was muted. Unfortunately i couldn't understand the subs. It was in Korean. Sigh. But altogether it's actually not that bad O.O It's about this girl who introduces this guy to this beautiful girl but regrets it soon afterwards and the girl tries to persuade the guy to go for her instead. And blahs. That's all i could tell from the storyline :) I watched it with Kyung Woo, inevitably. It was... awkward. But hahaha, spent the whole Geography period watching it. So it was sorta in a way fun :) I can't recall a thing Mr. Lee said. Apart from weathering. So much for revision ;) Then it was time for Science. H then O then N4 Those kinda stuff :) Kyung Woo told me some stuff i should know about atoms. He's pretty darn good at Science. I helped a teacher look for the Malay's beginner class for most of the Malay period. Attempted to help. Couldn't find it. The teacher gave up :( Then lunch was lunch. I can't remember lunch O.O OH YEAP, spent it with Aishah. Apparently she's related to Anuar Zain That's just stupendous :D Hahaha. My mom's a fan of his :) Welllll We had Maggi for lunch :) + Soya. ACTIVITIES was bowling :) AISHAH WAS THERE TOO hahaha. It was at Flamingo :D Which is 5 minutes away from my house. I could've just gone home... Ms Sangeeta owned the game. She was the only one who'd gotten 100+ points. She awesome yo :D '25th June marks the history for bowling, with me getting 3 spares and 3 strikes' Alex got owned badly. xP I ain't belanja-ing him RM5 as Darren beat him as well ;P Hahaha. I'd gotten 47 altogether :) Today just wasn't my day. Speaking of RM5, I initially wanted to buy a chocolate eclair and Lemon+Aloe Justea, and I PAID However, I COULDN'T EVEN COLLECT THE ITEMS BECAUSE APPARENTLY WE CAN'T BUY STUFF FROM THERE I was seriously friggin pissed off. Like majorly pissed. I PAID for fish sakes. Why can't i just collect the items?! So basically i was left with RM1.80. Ugh. As i've said, today just wasn't my day. AFTER SCHOOL Well let's see. We came back 20 minutes early, so spent the remaining time playing A B C with Kyung Woo xP dammit he's fast! He just kept on whacking my hands! Roarr! But hahaha, gotta admit, he's good! He's the only one who knows my family's nickname for me :) He calls me by that name too! Anyways, after that, gone downstairs... At the basketball court, spoke to Hasbi (abang you better come tomorrow!) and Daniel. And Haizol shuffled. Hahaha. Daniel liked my hair?! Haha, that's what he said :) I'm keeping this new hairstyle. Oh, oh, Apparently Megan Fox is a robot O.O 'Megantron' Spoke to the van driver Managed to get a seat in first trip :D While waiting for the gates to open, Hung out near the Music room. First went up to the Usha Bala hall to say Hi to YouMei and Darren Darren was so sweaty -_- And they were drinking so inevitably there were some bees around there. Urgh i hate you darn bees. I got stung yesterday on my leg -_- Explains my walking like a retard-ness. So to escape, since Akmal came up, to actually avoid those bees, i ran first, and a bee followed him :) Hahaha. I'm sorry! Speaking of Akmal, he told me something that made me think twice. Sigh. And then I saw Reikaaaa (L) She's not coming tomorrow :( So she wished + hugged me today. That's all i want :) A hug + a wish. Then ran here and there. And i saw him playing basketball :) I just have to say Hi once in a while. That's about it for school. Now i have to remove this facial mask. It's about time... i can't smile! :/ xox Just one day :) I WANT LOUIS TO COME TOMORROW!
Date	Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Time	5:09 AM
	1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 fill in with; 3 and 7 as the boys/girls you're always thinking about. 4,5 and 6 as people who are on your head. 8, 9, 10 and 11 as songs in your head. ..done? :) (1 & 2 are useless) Okay, well let's review. 3 is the person you like. 4 is the person you are protecting/being protected by. 5 is the person you know very well. 6 is a lucky person. 7 is the person you like, but who you can't be with :( 8 explains no. 3 :) 9 explains no. 7 :( 10 explains your feelings right now. 11 explains your life. I'll share some of mine xD 3 4 was Louis :O Haha. 5 Taylor Swift! Like WOAH 6 Destery ♥ 7 8 Breathe Me by Sia 9 Kelsey by Metro Station 10 Oh, It Is Love by Hellogoodbye 11 Bulletproof by La Roux Surprised me a tad bit :) Credit goes to Kyung Woo for teaching me xDD I love my seat in class. xox 143
Date	Friday, June 19, 2009
Time	6:19 AM
	Apparently i'm watching School Days on Sang Won's dictionary. Going along just fine. UNTIL :O Kyung Woo just covered the screen with his small mechanical pencil. Sang Won knows every line of this show! He's reciting EVERYTHINGG! Those boys look constipated, like crouching over and i don't even know what they're doing. O.O Uh okay the teacher just came. Ugh. :/ I know what this show is going to turn out to be though. xP H _ _ _ _ i. Haha. I know Midori Days. and trust me, it's more or less 16+ I still have Kee En's hoodie xD i'll return it during lunch. Ohh we have 2 free periods today. History's my kaya bread time! :D Literature (this period) is my blog-post-draft time. ART WAS FUN :D Apparently Sang Won has over 140+ songs on his MP3 :D But omg he likes Ashley Tisdale's 'IT'S ALRIGHT, IT'S OK' 'She's very ugly, but i like the song' he says. We both like ♥ Mika though. :) 'This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending, No hope, no love, no glory, No happy ending!' I didn't spill everything in my palette today :) Yong Jeong can't paint for nuts :P According to the art teacher, even primary kids are better than him! Heck, even KG! I'd have to agree :) Haha. Not that I'm any better... xP I lost something really important to me. :( Sigh xox Where are you dolphin? Sobsob P.S. My BIG DAY is in precisely 7 days. :P Mark your calendars! (kidding) Literature (free period) 9.12 AM.
Date	Thursday, June 18, 2009
Time	1:54 AM
	Apparently If you move your eyes left and right and count to 30, it will improve your memory 10%. I did 90. But ALAS, i forgot most of today. :O Thanks a lot Dolly. I think i'm just meant to forget. But well, i'll try to recall. Spent English chewing gum, and skipping class :) In and out of class twice. Not my fault my leg was itchy! Mosquito bite much. -_- Mei Mei accompanied me to the PE room, teacher directed us to Sick Bay, locked, gone to staff room, not there, gone back to the field place, FINALLY saw Mrs. Gulsar. To Mei Mei, thank you love! :D And then accompanied Caffy to return her uniform. Woah, didn't know the PE department lended uniforms to people. Joe's supposed to return it tomorrow. Spent Geography reading Dolly :) Mr Lee was talking about food. :O Well, not exactly cheeseburger kinda food. Food shortages and stuff. It was 2 periods away from lunch. I survived :D We should appreciate the food that we have. :) Science, i listened. Inevitably, it IS Science after all. :/ Did some work. Malay, haha. I can't say i actually enjoyed it. 10 questions -_- couldn't go out if it isn't finished. 10 questions is not much. But for Malay, yeap it is too much. LUNCH WAS FOOD TIME :D and hang out/duty time of course :) ACTIVITIES WAS ACTUALLY QUITE FUN didn't actually play handball. Vincent passed to Voon How passed to Alex and HE SHOOT, HE SCORES. and Darren usually joined in too -_- Some of the others, like Michael, passed the ball to me though. It was sort of a fair game :) Then i joined in futsal. :D 2 proper goals, 4 justforfun. Ehehehhh :) I love you Caffy and Janak ♥ Right after Activities, gone back to school, while walking, Arvindh was behind me. Stalker -_- (kidding!) Well he told me to wait 5 minutes for someone to come. Neh, i didn't. :) Howeverrr Reika was injured :O So i accompanied her most of after school. I hope your pinkie gets better soon my love! Well after school was fun though. :D I can't remember anything! Ugh. -_- But for all i know, it was fun. :) I owe Hani a birthday present. xox BABY ALIVE?! P.S. My birthday is in a 8 days. :) Let's countdown.
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